(original date 12-2-08)
I just finished watching The Hulk and The Incredible Hulk. Yeah, both the Eric Bana one and the Edward Norton one. I have always found inspiration in the Hulk. Call me a dork, whatever, but it's true. His power is stemmed from his rage, and I cannot help but feel an affinity there. I have always been a person that has let his temper get the best of him, but it has also given me great determination. Many of the choices I make in life are reactionary to the fallible ideologies or decisions of the general populous of the world I have come to call home. My convictions and my beliefs are what have made me who I am, and without those, I am a hollow shell, and as I said before, most of my ideals stemmed from something that made me very, very angry. I am not wholly an enraged person, nor is Bruce Banner. However, I will continue in my life to be a dour, angry person. This I cannot help.
But know that despite my grumpy, condescending facade, beneath is a person waiting to find solace. I seek only my own corner of a realm of peace or happiness, and I have yet to find that. So until that moment, I will continue to tear my way through life. I have had the support of my family and my true friends, and without them, I would have ended up destroying myself. You have helped me focus myself into something useful, and for that I am eternally indebted. I can't forget to thank all the people who have crossed me as well, for without the handful of people who have taken advantage of my trust and my willingness to love, I would not have fuel for these flames. So thank you all, but don't ever ask anything of me, for you deserve nothing but my contempt.
I sound like a person filled with hate, and occasionally I am that person. At the moment, I am filled with tension and anxiety. A large part of me wants to sprint down McKinley yelling at the top of my lungs, throwing chair and benches until I pass out from exhaustion. Another part of me wants to just walk away from it all, pack up my Zune and hammer (courtesy of the master weaponsmith Bill White) and just walk away. I know that I have countless duties here, but the weight of this world is bending the yoke on my shoulders to its breaking point. I'll not cast these burdens aside, for without them, I would have nothing to expend my determination upon. Without an objective, the Hulk merely destroys or blacks out. I myself would find that the case is similar in my own case. Without the constant emotional labor, I would either self-destruct or just fall into a deep depression. Idle hands...
I am beginning to feel like I should seek out some sort of counseling. I mean, I am not happy, despite my recent successes in life. I feel like everything I do is in vain, and that all the joys I find are completely empty. I am seeking some sort of inspiration. Even my dreams mock me. They are either nightmares about being murdered by my close friends, being seduced by succubi, or reliving past horrors.
I need a muse of some sort.
I just finished watching The Hulk and The Incredible Hulk. Yeah, both the Eric Bana one and the Edward Norton one. I have always found inspiration in the Hulk. Call me a dork, whatever, but it's true. His power is stemmed from his rage, and I cannot help but feel an affinity there. I have always been a person that has let his temper get the best of him, but it has also given me great determination. Many of the choices I make in life are reactionary to the fallible ideologies or decisions of the general populous of the world I have come to call home. My convictions and my beliefs are what have made me who I am, and without those, I am a hollow shell, and as I said before, most of my ideals stemmed from something that made me very, very angry. I am not wholly an enraged person, nor is Bruce Banner. However, I will continue in my life to be a dour, angry person. This I cannot help.
But know that despite my grumpy, condescending facade, beneath is a person waiting to find solace. I seek only my own corner of a realm of peace or happiness, and I have yet to find that. So until that moment, I will continue to tear my way through life. I have had the support of my family and my true friends, and without them, I would have ended up destroying myself. You have helped me focus myself into something useful, and for that I am eternally indebted. I can't forget to thank all the people who have crossed me as well, for without the handful of people who have taken advantage of my trust and my willingness to love, I would not have fuel for these flames. So thank you all, but don't ever ask anything of me, for you deserve nothing but my contempt.
I sound like a person filled with hate, and occasionally I am that person. At the moment, I am filled with tension and anxiety. A large part of me wants to sprint down McKinley yelling at the top of my lungs, throwing chair and benches until I pass out from exhaustion. Another part of me wants to just walk away from it all, pack up my Zune and hammer (courtesy of the master weaponsmith Bill White) and just walk away. I know that I have countless duties here, but the weight of this world is bending the yoke on my shoulders to its breaking point. I'll not cast these burdens aside, for without them, I would have nothing to expend my determination upon. Without an objective, the Hulk merely destroys or blacks out. I myself would find that the case is similar in my own case. Without the constant emotional labor, I would either self-destruct or just fall into a deep depression. Idle hands...
I am beginning to feel like I should seek out some sort of counseling. I mean, I am not happy, despite my recent successes in life. I feel like everything I do is in vain, and that all the joys I find are completely empty. I am seeking some sort of inspiration. Even my dreams mock me. They are either nightmares about being murdered by my close friends, being seduced by succubi, or reliving past horrors.
I need a muse of some sort.
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